This is an entry for #TheWrittenRevolution's
If at all possible, I'd appreciate some responses to these questions I've about the piece:
◊ Is the style easy to understand? The style is supposed to be disjointed and personal, unique to the people in the 'conversation,' but can that be gleaned all that easily?
◊ Did I rely too much on ellipses and em dashes? I adore using them when I feel it's appropriate because they indicate pauses and retractions so well, but sometimes I wonder if I rely on them too much...
◊ Was the story moving at all? Is there anything I could do to make it more emotionally gripping?